According to our information, the underage wizard Draco Malfoy under your roof has been commiting dangerous magic against your person. While he claims to be dissecting, he is, in fact, creating and experimenting with a voodoo doll of yourself, which would explain the problems of back pain and ill performance in your bedroom that you reported last week at our forum. We hope you will take the measures you feel appropiate, always within the consent of your lady, and keeping your hair nice and clean.
Yours in service,
The Asociation for Dull Idiots Willing to Get Sef-Improving Comments.
PS: How does it feel to be the one locked up this time???
HIS roof? Excuse me?
Why would I waste my time creating a voodoo doll? Hello, I do have a wand, you know.
Ill performance in bed?! Who are you dunces and how dare you spread such slanderous slanderous filth? And furthermore, what damnable 'forum' do you speak of? And my hair is plenty clean, not that it's any of your business... ::continues raving for quite some time::
While we thank you for your interest in Severus's health, we'll kindly have to request that you, er, leave us the hell alone. ::to herself:: You make an advice column and you find people who think they know all about YOU, I'll bet Dear Abby doesn't have these problems...
So sorry about that unexpected hiatus, but we're back full time now. ♥♥♥