Dingo's ate my baby.
Much love, The crazed one.
Hold up. I was just kidding.
I have an ex. This ex is a moron. This ex is dating my best friend. I wish to brutally tear this ex's jugular out, tie it around his femur which I plan to rip out with my teeth and beat him over the head with it. Did Imention I'm in love with my best friend? Help?
So... What exactly is stopping you from doing it?
I mean... have you told your best friend how you feel? Because they might be a bit offended if you destroy their significant other without explaining first.
I actually have a femur that I'm willing to sell, if you'd like... It'll save you clean-up time.
That is not helpful, Draco. The idea of this column is to help people SOLVE their problems, not help them create legal ones.
Hey, I have things that can help them flee the legal problems, too!
::squints:: Are you still making copies of that flyer I told you to incinerate?
::leaps upon Draco, pinning him to the ground. She begins digging through his robes, eventually holding aloft a piece of bright blue parchment:: I KNEW it! How many times have I told you that I don't want any other random people on the lam here!
::still under Sarah's knees:: I thought that 'Sarah's Bed & Breakfast for Fugatives' was catchy!
::stands up:: I'm going to check your room, and merlin help you if I find another of these! ::dashes out::
::offers a hand to Draco:: Eventually she's going to figure out that you do this just so that she'll paw you looking for the damned things.
Yeah... I know. ::sighs::